Salsa as a conversation
I’ve heard interesting conversations claiming that, when dancing, the function of a leader is to make the follower look good. Or that the follower is there to accentuate everything the leader proposes. I’m not in full agreement with either statement, because muting one role in service of the other hardly seems to me like the idea of a good time. I prefer to view salsa dancing as a conversation.
When I think of memorable conversations I’ve had, my mind evokes interesting, funny or thought-provoking ones. I rarely remember the rude or one-sided ones with longing and nostalgia.
Join me in the world of make-believe for a moment.
Think of Tostitos, the loving nickname you give your friend (unrelated to the snack I’m enjoying right now). Tostitos is using this ice-breaker question with four different people, separately, to start a conversation: “What’s your favorite movie?”
And Tostitos gets four different answers each time:
- The Shawshank Redemption, for sure!
- Well, actually, I have three favorite movies: X, Y and Z
- I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours, deal?
- I’m not into movies but my favorite podcast is…
Tostitos engaged in four different conversations. Good job, Tostitos!
Each of the answers above ACKNOWLEDGED the question that was being asked: they either answered with various degrees of enthusiasm, returned with a question or slightly nudged in a different direction, but in all cases, the question was acknowledged. No one answered a non-sequitur like: “It’s 7:15 pm” or “Scrambled, please, and double bacon”, or worse, with a rude or hurtful comment.
When we are dancing, in my opinion, we should be having—ideally—a two-way conversation, at the very least.
We use words like “beginner”, “proficient” and “fluent”, just like we do to qualify our mastery of languages, to express our perception of our comfort or proficiency while “speaking” this language or social parter dancing. Recognizing musical patterns, learning steps, basic salsa guidelines and polishing our technique all enable us to have more fluid, more creative conversations.
Just like with spoken language, we can also have shorter, more superficial chats (talk about the weather, anyone?) with other dancers who are closer to the start of their dance journey.
As we progress in our journey, if we choose to, we will learn to add depth to our dance conversation: styling, footwork, syncopations, shines (aka free steps), musicality, longer patterns. Think of these as tools—analogies, jokes and examples—that “dress” our speech to help us bring a point home when it’s our turn to speak. Bearing in mind that in any great conversation there should be space for the other person to speak while we listen.
Now, statistically, not EVERY conversation you have with people in one day will blow your mind, and the same is often true for dancing. But I want to tell you that in this conversation, dance, listening (to the music, to your partner), being clear and gentle can go a long way to make everyone comfortable when they’re “chatting” with you. Which can sometimes lead to great, deep conversations.
The next time you go social dancing, think of the ways you can create the conditions for a good “dance conversation” with your dance partners. What did you discover? And did you feel heard as well?
If you’d like to share, I’d love to read your comments at aguanile.ottawa@gmail.com
